โš  OFFICIAL NOTICE โš 

YOU TURNED

0

No take-backs. No refunds. No "I thought I was still 19 for a few more months." This is real, you are twenty, and from here on out the dentist will address you as "sir" or "ma'am."

โš  scroll to confirm โš 

(the Neegy Neegillions are watching)

๐Ÿฅ  Your Free Fortune

Your twenties will be a blur of bad decisions, good tacos, and one really great Tuesday that you keep bringing up in conversation.

1 fortunes dispensed

The Mirror Doesn't Lie (It Does)

๐Ÿชž

At 17

"I look iconic."

Confidence: โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ 80%

๐Ÿ“ธ

At 20

"Wait. Was that always there."

Denial: โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ 80%

๐Ÿ˜ถ

At 25

"Sunscreen is a scam." (it isn't)

Wrinkles: โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ 0%

๐Ÿ‘ด

At 80

"What is this. Who is that. Where am I."

Confusion: โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ 100%

๐Ÿ“ฑ The Group Chat Is Already Dead

Sam bro where u at
You on my way!!
Sam cool
Sam bro
Sam bro hello
Sam dude
Sam ok
Sam ugh
Sam โ”(๏ฟฃใƒ˜๏ฟฃ)โ”Œ
โ€” 4 years later โ€”
Sam yo happy bday
You bro ๐Ÿ˜ญโค๏ธ
Sam bro
Sam we should hang
Sam sometime
Sam ok peace
โ€” 7 years later โ€”
Sam bro funeral?
Sam bomboclat, btw

๐Ÿˆ Koda Has Thoughts

A transcript. The cat is talking. We took liberties.

Koda, the cat, in a state of mild despair
(this is Koda's face when you say "one more episode")

Koda, 2am: "I knocked your water glass off the table. You're welcome. Hydration is important. I will be doing this every night until further notice."

Koda, when you cry: "I will sit exactly one inch out of reach and stare. This is support. Accept it, bomboclat."

Koda, 3pm: "I have been asleep for 6 hours. You just woke up. We are not the same. One of us is the Neegy Neegillions. (It's me.)"

Koda, every time: "This cardboard box cost $0. Your new $400 cat tree is now a war crime in my eyes."

Koda, on turning 20: "You are old. I am also old. We are the same. This is the only comfort I offer. Goodnight, Neegy Neegillions."

She loves you. She just has a face like that. ๐Ÿ˜ผ

Koda has been mentioned 5 times on this page so far. The Neegy Neegillions are aware. (Counted by hand, by a friend. <3)

โ›ฐ๏ธ Hills You Will Die On (Pick Three)

Pick three. The rest will be revealed to be wrong.

3 hills chosen (you will die on 2 of them by 25)

Will You Survive 20? (Spoiler: Yes, But At What Cost)

Click the boxes that apply. Each one makes you more real.

0/16 โ€” You are a real human. Congratulations.

๐Ÿ”ฎ Your 20th-Year Horoscope

๐Ÿ’ผ Career

You will change jobs 3 times, your title 8 times, and your mind 80 times. None of this matters. The job is fine. You are fine. The job is fine.

โค๏ธ Love

You will go on a date so bad it becomes a story you tell at every party for 6 years. You will also meet someone who likes you for reasons that make no sense. Take the second one.

๐Ÿ’ฐ Money

You will save $400, spend $400 on a weekend, and somehow end up with $1,200 more. Math is fake and your bank account is a vibe.

๐Ÿง  Mind

You will finally understand what people mean by "drink water." You will not drink water. You will die a little, then drink water.

๐Ÿ• Food

You will discover a cuisine, become unbearable about it for 4 months, and quietly move on. This is the human cycle. There is no escape.

๐Ÿ›Œ Sleep

You will stay up until 4am doing nothing. You will not remember what. You will be tired. This is adulthood. Welcome.

๐Ÿชฆ Pick Your Tombstone

You're not dying. But you're 20. Time to think about it. Click a stone.

No stone chosen. (You'll be back.)

The Uncomfortable Truth

The version of you that turned 19 is gone.

The version of you that turned 16 is a stranger.

The version of you at 12 is someone you'd friend-request.

The version of you at 6 had it all figured out.

The version of you at 3 was right about everything except naps.

And none of those people will see you at 25.

But you will be okay. The proof is that you're still here, reading a stranger's website on your phone, with a cat named Koda judging you from across the room, and somewhere out there, a population of Neegy Neegillions nodding in quiet approval. bomboclat. Welcome to 20. (Love from the Neegy Neegillions.)

๐Ÿ” OK. THE PORTAL.

You came for a code. You got a whole pilgrimage. Koda, the Neegy Neegillions, and bomboclat itself brought you here. Enter the code. The lights will go down. The gift โ€” from the Neegy Neegillions โ€” will arrive.

A small portrait of the gold man, Neegy

โ€” Neegy, of the Neegy Neegillions โ€”